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On...
Keeping Score
Generosity is a soul prompted spontaneous response. It is an attitude, a
way of being present, an inner response that is imbued with love. There
is some distance though between the generosity response within and the
actions we perform to reflect that generosity. The actions are carried
out by the personality, which may or may not be totally aligned with the
loving impetus from within.
When we
focus on the actions we perform, rather than on the unconditional love
that inspired them initially, we typically keep score. This means that
we account for what we do for others and expect something in return from
them. When this is the case what started out as generosity degenerates
into self-serving acts disguised as generosity. We sometimes call this
giving with strings attached. When we do this we usually deny that we
are doing it because we do not want to admit to our selfishness.
When we
give we might not even expect anything in return. This is when
personality is sufficiently aligned with soul. This can be maintained
for some period of time. But then comes a time when the personality is
not feeling loved, appreciated or valued and instead of doing the inner
work necessary to change this condition we, in our victim state, begin
to demand repayment from others to whom we have been generous. ‘Look at
all I have done for you.’ ‘Why have you abandoned me?’ ‘You don’t love
me anymore.’ ‘You owe me.’ ‘You don’t deserve my generosity.’ These, and
many other feelings and thoughts begin to surface. They might be
expressed or not.
These
expressions have the effect of alienating the one to whom they are
expressed or about whom they are felt because they imply a demand for a
particular kind of response. They try to create guilt in the other and
are therefore manipulative.
Whenever
we feel obligated to respond to someone else because of guilt or the
idea that we owe them something we are keeping score. This is purely a
personality game to keep things even. How generous it is depends on the
extent of unconditional love and freedom there is in one’s response, and
the lack of expectations.
Whenever
we feel that giving is a burden then we need to question our motivation
because we are feeling resistance within ourself. Soul expression as
generosity is not felt as burdensome, but instead feels like a privilege
and gives us joy.
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Exercises:
1. Who do you feel owes you? Why?
2. Who do you feel you owe? Why?
3. Examine your motivations in the relationships where you
feel there is an unpaid debt. Resolve to change your motivations
so that you and others in your relationships are freer to give
and receive as each chooses. |
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This is one of 150 Soul Perspective articles.
For more articles visit
Soul Perspectives
Index.
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