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Transforming Relationships

Often people have the impression that every relationship that doesn’t ‘work’ can be fixed. We cannot fix what is not broken. When it comes to relationships we must address and meet the challenges. In this way, the relationship will change. We go around with the expectation that if we are not happy all the time in a relationship then there is either something wrong with ourselves or something wrong with the other. Usually we think it is the other.

We need to understand that if there is a relationship there is going to be a challenge, which is primarily to fulfil the purpose of the relationship. We need to try to determine what that is. Even if we cannot answer that challenge, we can at least do two other things which all relationships require: determine what we are to learn through the challenges of the relationship, and what we need to give of a noble, healing nature that the other and the relationship requires.

The purpose of relationships is not comfort or pleasure. The purpose of relationships is transformation. And transformation always requires learning, service and commitment. This implies profound change which we frequently resist.

If your relationship is difficult you have a wonderful opportunity to learn exactly what you need to learn. You also have something to give that you need to give. Relationships are always a challenge to our selfishness. They challenge us to give and share in a sacrificial way. They are the primary pathway to soul consciousness because they demand relating at a soul level. They are difficult only at a personality level because we face the demand to become the other in order to love them, which teaches us to become the other within ourselves – the soul, the source of true love.

Relationships invite us to connect at a soul level. When we do that we call it commitment. Commitment requires that we understand that no relationship can be happy all the time. When we commit ourselves to another we promise that we will enter the light of the other’s being and rejoice in it, and we also promise that we will enter into the darkness of the other and feel the pain that is there. In fact the whole point of completely giving ourselves to others and to love is so that the darkness can be enlightened and the pain can be used for deepening compassion. If you allow yourself to be manipulated or victimized in a relationship there can be no commitment.

The urge and decision for commitment must be based on the perception of Beauty which touches your soul, resonating with the Beauty within yourself.

 

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This is one of 150 Soul Perspective articles. For more articles visit Soul Perspectives Index.

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