Soul Perspectives On ...
Relationships
All of our relationships have the potential of showing us who we
are as souls. Our relationships with other human beings force us
to acknowledge both our perfection as souls and our limitations
as personalities. We are also challenged to accept the opposites
and to experience duality, symbolized in the male-female dynamics
of relationship. Because all relationships are based on soul we
have the opportunity to gain a sense of meaning in life through
our relationships. Soul shows us the bigger picture. Soul creates
deeper connection; it fulfills and responds to the true needs in
our life and the lives of others.
Relationships take us both into the light of our soul and the
darkness of our subconscious. They force us to look at our
shadows and to also experience the light. If we deny the light of
either ourselves or the other then we relate to each other in
conflict. If we deny the shadows of either ourselves or the other
then we relate in illusion. Only by accepting both do we face
reality and experience harmony.
We are always challenged in relationships to accept the unknown
of ourselves and the unknown of the other. Therefore, meeting
this challenge must be founded on trust. You need to trust that
they will get whatever they need from you and that you will get
whatever you need from them. Since the soul is the underlying
guide of all relationships, we are always getting what we need
because the soul always responds to need. If we don’t recognize
the underlying soul presence, we will probably become demanding
and certainly do things contrary to maintaining a healthy
relationship. The problem lies only in our lack of awareness and
understanding.
The key word is NEED, not desire. We are often conscious of our
desires, but our needs are usually related to what we are
unconscious of. We are not in relationships to have our desires
fulfilled. It is up to us to fulfill our own desires and stop
demanding that they be fulfilled by others. For example, if you
have the desire to be loved, you must not demand it from someone
else. You fulfill your need for love by expressing it. Expressing
love is far more fulfilling than trying to get it from others.
We usually create difficulties in our relationships when we let
our desires take over. When we don’t get our desires met - and
that includes things like getting our way, getting what we want,
getting love and attention, being made to feel important, being
shown respect and honour - we usually get angry, sad, become
selfish and self centered, resentful or revengeful. When that
happens we need to stop and ask ourselves what we really need,
and then give it to ourselves rather than demanding it from
others.
Desires point toward our needs. When we are trapped by our
desires we don’t recognize the need behind the desire. When we
realize what is happening and we respond to our need or the needs
of others then we have taken another step toward becoming more
conscious.
Intimacy is an important aspect of all relationships, and it
differs according to the relationship. Intimacy exposes the
unconscious and teaches us trust. Intimacy helps us to recognize
needs, and it awakens the love within us to respond to those
needs. It especially empowers us to meet our own needs. Intimacy
says: you are acceptable and lovable just as you are.
Exercise:
1. What are the biggest challenges you face in your primary
relationships? For each challenge, what is the underlying
desire, and the underlying need? What can you learn from
these challenges?
2. What is most important to you in your primary relationship?
3. How can you become more intimate with your partner? |
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***The above newsletter is one of over 50 archived at
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